Just a quick post today to announce to the world that I AM BORED. I am struggling massively to get ANYTHING written today. this has been the case all week. I have tried to have fun things to do lined up, so I don't feel that my life is a massive burden. I have tried to do a half-hour of work here and there, and have tried to bribe myself with promises such as 'just one half-hour;, or 'just write about this person and then you can go' (I am trying to write my literature review. i have been told that it's normal to feel very bored when you are doing this). Nothing is working; i just don't want to.
'When you sit down to write your literature review', the Clever Professor told an auditorium-ful of us students, at his seminar entitled 'How To Write a Literature Review', 'the first thing you will do is make yourself a cup of tea. ... You will then switch on the TV to see if there is anything good on. You might even, exceptionally, find yourself wanting to do a bit of ironing.' As we laughed, he explained: the point is, you will not want to write your literature review. It IS a bit boring and tedious, EVERYONE feels this way, YOU will feel this way, and so don't beat yourself about it.
The thing is, i really, reeeeeeeally WANT to write my literature review. Because as soon as it is written, I have it, and I have done it. And I can edit it. And I will be one step closer to finishing my PhD. But what's stopping me is this: I know that there is a lot of work to do before it will be finished. From typing out my notes about what so-and-so has written, and why it's relevant to my argument, to actually arranging those notes in a coherent form, in such a way that they justify the need for my research, blah blah blah - I can see a long and winding road ahead, a thorny and treacherous path, and I can see the faces of supervisors, blank with incomprehension and asking me 'what am I trying to say'. Part of me cannot be arsed.
Another part of me knows that I have to be arsed, and that I want to be arsed. This part of me will now go and get a scrap of paper, and begin scribbling.
Oh God, it's 11:46. (Am wondering if I should go read from the Procrastination Bible again to help me feel motivated and serene. Am concerned, however, that I could spend so much time studying this holy text that I would never actually get around to doing any work anyway.)
A PhD is really a horrible, horrible thing. Please spread the word to the younger generation: DON'T DO IT.
This is the best site I have ever come across. Thank you for detailing the struggles of a PhD student. Thank you, thank you!
ReplyDeleteHey!... Thank YOU for reading it!... Means a lot when people comment! :)
DeleteAfter a very disheartening email from my supervisor, I typed in the words "what to do when you hate your PhD"... et voila, here you are! Thanks for keeping me sane! My trouble is, I hate my PhD, I hate writing and reading and thinking, and I really can't be arsed. Hoping to feel more positive tomorrow :-p
ReplyDeletehope you feel more positive too. i'm all up and down all the time (I have weeks when I feel like I'm fairly excited about work and I know what I'm doing, but then I have weeks when I feel like a runaway train, hurtling forward too fast in a pointless fashion). if you need to, maybe take a break from all that reading and thinking, do something you love for a few days, and then hopefully you'll come back to it refreshed. It's all about the breaks, init. Good luck!
DeleteThanks for the advice Cloud Nine... I took a few days off as you suggested and feeling much more relaxed about it all now. Really love your blog, its so good to see someone else moving through their PhD, through the ups and downs. Much appreciated :)
Deletewoohoo!... Glad you had a break and it left you feeling more refreshed. never, ever work too hard on your PhD. I tried to do this, it doesn't work and it just makes you feel like a 'victim', so it ends up being counter-productive. prioritize fun things, enjoy lazy lie-ins, take your time. and thanks for commenting!... :)
Delete'If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing' - Homer Simpson
I stumbled across your blog as I am struggling with the same thing!!! I'm at the dissertation proposal stage...well...I'm barely working on it so far this summer. I guess reading a couple of books and searching for additional journal articles is part of the process, but I often feel like I'm barely moving forward and can't exactly nail down the "perfect" research question. Absence of funding and adequate child care for the summer have definitely decreased my motivation. Not to mention, I am just feeling isolated, frustrated, and devoid of self-esteem every time I try to work on it!
ReplyDeletei guess my advice would be: have you thought how you will cope during the PhD, what with the childcare/ time issues? can you be sure that you can squeeze in 3 hours' uninterrupted, quality work a day (which, by the way, is ALL IT SHOULD TAKE), and can you manage to find some time every day to relax and enjoy yourself for at least an hour? if the answer is yes, then plough on ahead. the proposal stage is quite daunting, and takes AGES to get off the ground, but it's such a small part of the process, and once you've got it behind you, you get to move on to the good stuff... (by the way, there is't necessarily a perfect research question. just keep polishing up the one you've got, show it to a few people, and send it off. i'm sure it'll be good enough as it is!)
Deleteif the answer is no, and you're not sure you'll find 3 hours a day to work on your PhD, and you'll never have time for guilt-free fun, then I'd seriously reconsider the whole thing. (not that I want to put you off, but then i AM writing a blog called 'I Hate my PhD', so I think it's only fair to warn you... :)
well done for writing the proposal, and good luck!