That's all, really.
...The procrastination book, 'The Now Habit', has helped me get through a couple of days' essential work with significantly less pain than it would otherwise have taken. That said, I'm back, and I'm procrastinating again. I have done almost no work today so far, and no work at all yesterday, despite trying to, and despite trying a change of scene for the second half of the day. So, at this moment in time, it's not that I have managed to cure myself of procrastination; rather, i still do it, but I no longer hate myself and I no longer think I deserve to be shot and killed - well, at least that's something.
'The way to hell is paved with good intentions': this from a fellow Amazon reviewer of the book. How right you were, fellow Procrastinator. How right you were.
'You could go in the other room', my lover suggested helpfully, watching me try and work in the spare room, now my 'office'. 'You could try using the other rooms in the house?' (having fairly recently moved in together and pooled our resources, we both still marvel at the fact that we have Several Rooms. Like, not just one bedroom each in houses shared with flatmates, but a whole FLAT, with ROOMS, all of which are OURS. Woohoo!)
'I could', I said. 'I've used them all, though. It's like I've used them up.' It doesn't matter which room in the house I use. It doesn't matter how pleasant and helpful the circumstances of the writing are. I just DON'T WANT TO DO IT. Whichever room I'm in, whether I'm in a quiet library or a noisy café, I just don't want to do it. I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. I don't want to sit there and work on my chapter 5, or on any of my other chapters, or do any of the other stuff (like bibliography) which you are supposed to pull out when you don't feel like working 'creatively' (as if the admin bits were some sort of rare treat.) It's not my surroundings which are the problem. I AM THE PROBLEM.
Right, rant over. Was there any point to this rant?... No. There was no point. I know that, as soon as I get over myself, I will be trying again. I will read what the Book says about centering exercises, and I will do them and I will start again. I will keep starting. I will keep failing. But at least I don't hate myself anymore for it, and that's always something.
Small steps...
Thank you for your latest posts. I've been using the procrastination bible too (on your advice) and I don't hate myself as much either. I keep telling myself the phd is my choice! And I'm bribing myself with peanut M&Ms (3 per 1/2 hour's solid work!). I'm off for a nice walk before I start today (in part to burn off the calories obtained from the M&Ms). With you in spirit xxx
ReplyDelete'nice walk before PhD' - great idea! the half-hour solid work thing is genius, no?... it makes you able to feel that you have achieved SOMETHING. i like the M&Ms idea, i may have to steal it. here's to not hating ourselves anymore. and if M&Ms consumed equal periods of work achieved, then i wish you packets and packets of them, all empty, strewn about your house. good luck!!
DeleteHi there. I'm still having a few problems with procrastinating but am trying the reverse schedule and am at least doing some PhD work each day. I'm hoping it's like physical fitness and that I will get faster now that I am actually writing. The M&Ms seem to help a bit-it's quite B.F. Skinnerish to put yourself on a reinforcement schedule like this but I'll do anything that stops me from sitting and being frozen like I was! It's a choice! And its associated with chocolate! And I have to finish by the end of this July! And then it's over! I hope your day goes well. xxx
ReplyDeleteWOOHOO! i hope you have a HOLIDAY planned for the end of July! i plan to sleep for a week. and wear pyjamas for a month!... anyway, well done for managing to 'unfreeze' yourself. it's good to hear that it really CAN be done - you're reinforcing my belief in MY PhD a little bit too! WE SHALL SUCCEED! ...
DeleteI have not written one word of my PhD all day (although I did do a couple of hours work on a conference poster this morning), and I've procrastinated all afternoon, so now I have to work all evening to reach my word minimum word count (500 words per day). One day I might learn! Hope all is well with you xxx
ReplyDeletehaha - me too, i end up in these situations all the time. except now that i follow the Procrastination Bible, i know i am not allowed to say 'i have to work this evening' and instead say 'i choose to work this evening, so that i get my [500 words done].' it's very annoying, i don't even get to pointlessly complain anymore (the procrastination bible has stripped away the very language of hardship and complaint, and left me with nothing but bland, placid good humour...) but on the plus side, i don't feel depressed and hopeless anymore. GOOD LUCK! X
DeleteThank you for your posts. I have been managing to write about 300 words per day and I am also working through the "Self Discipline in 10 Days book" that I read about on your blog. It does seem to be helping, along with the M&Ms. Thank you for your blog and I hope all is well with you xxx
Deletewoohoo, well done for writing the 300 words a day - that's a pretty big achievement! i'm doing well, thanks - nice bit of procrastination today, but mostly it's going well. small steps, lots of starts, lots of guilt-free playtime (mostly involving gyms and walks and good food) and i've somehow banished the words 'i have to'/ 'i should' from my vocabulary (it's all down to the procrastination book, really. that book is genius.)
Deletecan't wait to try 'Self Discipline....' Have been meaning to read it in the library but I may just cave and order myself a copy!