That's all, really.
...The procrastination book, 'The Now Habit', has helped me get through a couple of days' essential work with significantly less pain than it would otherwise have taken. That said, I'm back, and I'm procrastinating again. I have done almost no work today so far, and no work at all yesterday, despite trying to, and despite trying a change of scene for the second half of the day. So, at this moment in time, it's not that I have managed to cure myself of procrastination; rather, i still do it, but I no longer hate myself and I no longer think I deserve to be shot and killed - well, at least that's something.
'The way to hell is paved with good intentions': this from a fellow Amazon reviewer of the book. How right you were, fellow Procrastinator. How right you were.
'You could go in the other room', my lover suggested helpfully, watching me try and work in the spare room, now my 'office'. 'You could try using the other rooms in the house?' (having fairly recently moved in together and pooled our resources, we both still marvel at the fact that we have Several Rooms. Like, not just one bedroom each in houses shared with flatmates, but a whole FLAT, with ROOMS, all of which are OURS. Woohoo!)
'I could', I said. 'I've used them all, though. It's like I've used them up.' It doesn't matter which room in the house I use. It doesn't matter how pleasant and helpful the circumstances of the writing are. I just DON'T WANT TO DO IT. Whichever room I'm in, whether I'm in a quiet library or a noisy café, I just don't want to do it. I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. I don't want to sit there and work on my chapter 5, or on any of my other chapters, or do any of the other stuff (like bibliography) which you are supposed to pull out when you don't feel like working 'creatively' (as if the admin bits were some sort of rare treat.) It's not my surroundings which are the problem. I AM THE PROBLEM.
Right, rant over. Was there any point to this rant?... No. There was no point. I know that, as soon as I get over myself, I will be trying again. I will read what the Book says about centering exercises, and I will do them and I will start again. I will keep starting. I will keep failing. But at least I don't hate myself anymore for it, and that's always something.