Saturday, 10 February 2018

"I call it a breakdown, my therapist called it a spiritual awakening': TED Talk on ''Vulnerability'

Not much new stuff to say, except that I happened to just now find and re-watch the Brene Brown talk on 'Vulnerability' online (thank you, lovely blogger who embedded the link in your blog for me to find - in your lovely blog where I have pleasurably been spending my time)

Love Brene Brown, especially when she makes her joke about the 'spiritual awakening'. Lol.

Things I took away from her talk (which I knew already, from previously visiting her talk and from the ton of self-help books I read in those dreary final months of PhD-writing just to talk myself back in from the ledge): daring to show your 'excruciating vulnerability' is good for you.

- People who have 'a sense of worthiness, a strong sense of love and belonging' are 'people who BELIEVE they are worthy of love and belonging'

- This takes 'courage'; Brene Brown defines 'courage' as being able to 'tell the story of who you are with your whole heart; tell the story of how you are imperfect'.

- 'Let go of who you think you should be in order to be who you are.' (In my case: 'should be' - better, more put-together, more successful, properly employed after PhD, earning better money. Instead, I 'am': precariously employed, not putting PhD to any use, earning not-so-great-money [which I immediately spend], no conventional trappings of success to speak of despite good education and every possible material advantage under the sun...)

- 'Embrace vulnerability... What makes me vulnerable makes me beautiful'. (does it?...)

- 'Let ourselves be seen' (I certainly have done, a little bit, on this blog, except that I hide from you all behind my anonymity, obviously. But I did lift a little corner of my soul on here.)

- And she says there are a few other things we must do if we want to be like the people in her research who turned out to have the strong sense of worthiness: and these include 'to love with our whole hearts even though there's no guarantee', 'to practice gratitude and joy', and 'to believe we are enough.'(FYI I have a reminder in my phone that goes off on a certain day and tells me 'You are enough.' But that's another story.)

So I'm listening to this whole talk again, and it's just as relevant as it was whenever it was that I heard it before, and I'm jotting down these snippets from it, and somewhere in my head I have had a voice that's going 'I'd like to write my blog again... really want to write blog again...' - so here you go. Today's post is old wisdom from the internet.

(So this is currently my story: I have a PhD. Since finishing my PhD I have not found a good job. I offer nothing, can give my partner or future children nothing, except my own sense of wonder, and fun, and kindness, and the handful of things I do well, and the joy I take in the everyday. I can cook them dinner and listen to them and I can make them laugh, and help them find their keys; that's about all. I've always thought - been convinced, even - that 'this is just temporary' and 'one day I will have a great career' and 'one day I will definitely earn a ton of money' and 'just give me a chance and I will show you that I can be the nice, compassionate, fun, loving person you know me to be AND I am also going to be very famous and earn a shit-ton of money which we will enjoy together. Any area of life in which I currently fall short WILL all get straightened out, for sure!'... What if this is all there is? What if embracing the 'that's all there is' is the only way to not hate it and not be forever dissatisfied with it?... If this is all there is, for the next year, five years, ten years, will you still want me and want to be with me?...)

I also like a TED talk by a lady called Tracy who talks about embracing who you currently are in terms of 'marrying yourself'.  For richer for poorer, for better for worse...

Those are some of my thoughts today.

Happy weekend everyone!...


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