Wednesday, 20 March 2013

why I (still) hate my PhD

ok. i hate my phd because: say you just want to correct a bit of a chapter so it's all nice for your supervisor. you want to hand it in TODAY. and say you just want to check a footnote, check that the commas are in the right place and stuff. you look up the footnote and you realise that, just a bit further on in the original text you're citing, there is a thing which is relevant to something else in your argument. so of course you have to stop and write it down. so then of course you end up thinking about it (because you have to think about it, because it's really, really relevant to what you say later on), and you end up looking it up to see if anyone else has written about it. then the next thing you know, you are ordering books from the bl and thinking about emailing an eminent critic to see if she has an article about it... so as a result, what feels like several hours later, you have not finished correcting the footnote, nor have you got very far in the document you were supposed to be editing. and yet you have not stopped working. and yet, as usual, somehow, you have nothing to hand in, and you are way behind where you had hoped to be. this is my life, you know. I sometimes think i shall NEVER FINISH THIS PHD. i am on footnote 14, page 5, of the thing i was trying to write/ edit, and i wanted to send it (to send something that's at least a bit finished) to my supervisor today. 

(what i just wrote is completely against the Rules set out in my procrastination book. what i should have written is: i love how the intellectual curiosity of... bla bla bla.)

(don't tell the procrastination book i said this.)

right. I shall go and do some centering exercises, or something.

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