tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7665901945631539742024-03-05T07:26:49.014-08:00i hate my phdUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger150125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-53637932394599399092020-08-11T07:20:00.003-07:002020-08-11T07:24:19.749-07:00Every Time I Refuse to Say a Mean Thing About Myself, ........ <p> </p><p><br /></p><p>I re-watched <i><a href="https://theillusionists.org/" target="_blank">The Illusionists</a> </i>yesterday. (If you haven't seen it: brilliant documentary by <a href="https://elenarossini.com/about/">Elena Rossini</a> (you can read an interview with her <a href="https://girlwithasatchel.blogspot.com/2011/08/girl-talk-interview-with-elena-rossini.html">here</a>) about body image and about how advertisers create insecurity to get you to buy more stuff.)</p><p>What's interesting is how I really felt like I needed to re-watch it. Maybe I had been feeling shitty due to too much time spent online, on my phone, on Instagram, with ads getting beamed at me all the time. I was definitely starting to get the body image panic, and also a feeling of 'I need to get the fuck off my smartphone, which I will definitely do <i>after I've read and reread just one more favourite post on <a href="https://captainawkward.com/">Captain Awkward</a>........</i>' (*lifts dazed and tired eyes away from screen five hours later). </p><p>Anyway. So I revisited the amazing documentary (which by the way is so beautifully shot and so GOOD that I kind of just want to watch it AGAIN, TODAY) and I made a note to self in a notebook, which goes as follows:</p><p><span style="font-size: x-large;">'Every time I refuse to say mean things or think mean thoughts about my body, I'm sending a giant silent UP YOURS to the companies who make loads of money from making me feel insecure.'</span></p><p>And now for your benefit - here is a link to director Elena Rossini's blog posts about productivity in the digital age (there are lots more useful links in this one on 'How to become a successful digital minimalist', and I highly recommend getting lost down a rabbit-hole for a while, because this stuff is USEFUL.)</p><p>(FYI: I haven't turned my smartphone on all day. I'd call that a massive success.) </p><p><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #201f1e; font-size: 15px;"><a href="https://www.therealists.org/2019/11/3-key-habits-to-become-a-successful-digital-minimalist/">https://www.therealists.org/2019/11/3-key-habits-to-become-a-successful-digital-minimalist/</a></span></p><p><span face="" style="background-color: white; color: #201f1e; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></p><p>Love, CN x</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>ps. I've decided that every woman I'm friends with who hasn't already seen it is getting <i><a href="https://theillusionists.org/">The Illusionists</a></i> gifted for her birthday this year.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-55256877675675881412019-07-23T01:57:00.001-07:002019-07-23T01:57:18.003-07:00Quick post... to say nothing in particular<br />
<br />
So now I have a job. I haven't posted anything in a while, but I will. Ideas for things I badly want to write are flitting through my head now and again. I'll be in touch soon.<br />
<br />
Now that I have a JOB, the bit of brain space that was clogged up with job application deadlines, occasional little bouts of what-do-I-do-with-my-life anxiety, the do-I-apply-fpr-this-job-or-not, etc etc etc, is now free. I find myself having the space, in my brain, to actually think: I have the time to do something good in the world.<br />
<br />
Remember that blog post I wrote about how, when you have a job, <a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.com/2012/11/body-and-soul.html">the job wants your soul</a>?... My job does not yet take all of my soul (part-time gigs are the BEST) but people have started dangling offers of 'more hours' in front of me, with the shiny prizes of possible promotion, sometime in the future, attached to them. Not always the most decisive of people, I find myself in the occasional dilemma.<br />
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Ideally people would not dangle these exciting things in front of me, though, because I have important things I want to do with my free days. I want to change a little bit of the world.<br />
<br />
I remember reading in a book about 'what to do with your life' that you should consider taking the thing that everyone says is impossible, and set about making it happen.<br />
<br />
... Big goals, yes?... More on that soon.<br />
<br />
All the best<br />
<br />
Cloud NineUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-83369045900777023942018-10-19T09:45:00.004-07:002018-10-19T09:45:58.751-07:00Cloud Nine has Got a Job... A Happy Ending <br />
<br />
I feel this post is long overdue. There is no perfect way to write it, so I'm just going to say it:<br />
<br />
... I HAVE A JOB! Woohoo!.....<br />
<br />
After years of applying for jobs and trying to be confident in interviews, and trying the academic and the non-academic jobs, and facing the rejections and the blank stares ('You're an academic. Why do you want a job HERE?', and 'You were SO personable and friendly and you could clearly have done the job. Someone else had more office experience...') - I've got a job.<br />
<br />
It was around January-February when the Lover said to me,<br />
<br />
'Hey, you've been (at your institution) for four years now, doing casual work for them. Why don't you ask for a permanent job?'<br />
<br />
And I was like - oh, OK then, I will!...<br />
<br />
And we drafted the email together, and I summed up my four-years-experience, and I requested a meeting with my head of department. I asked for a permanent part-time post.<br />
<br />
And now it's several months later, and I've got it. I had to apply, and interview, and jump the usual hoops for it, and live through the stress; but I've got it, and it's mine.<br />
<br />
It was the afternoon of the interview day. I went outside, walked to the city centre, and just as I was reaching the good shops, my mobile rang. It was the head of department, offering me my job.<br />
<br />
And as I hung up the phone, a cheesy reminder flashed up on my screen (because, you see, over the years I've set up various reminders in my phone, reminding me that I have a nice life and to be 'positive) - and the reminder happened to be the one that says 'Today is the best day of my life.'<br />
<br />
And then I walked into a wine bar - because I needed somewhere nice to sit so I could bask in the glow of Having a Job, and also so I could message all my friends - and I just got so drunk. It was the sweet drunkenness of relief.<br />
<br />
And now I have a job.<br />
<br />
Lots of love to you all, and thanks for reading the blog - and good luck everyone who is working on their PhDs today<br />
<br />
Cloud Nine x<br />
<br />
<i>(Got A Job Only Four Years After the PhD! Woohoo!)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>(And She Lived Happily Ever After...)</i>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-54380137819451961012018-10-19T09:45:00.001-07:002019-07-23T01:57:53.278-07:00Blogger isn't letting me write the blog post I want, so here is a picture instead: 'Work, Interrupted.' (I know how she feels. Procrastination strikes again?...)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnWzHxinREIjusp5QLMuPf39Qqe4D3kvY8p8OLIbiOlA7qNCguRnAogNKMP5qG70JUl9vMA8mo5N1HokENYvOKVhDYOAfn029cPm5OasCFy5JLVsOoH_cBd0abavSvJsieKfXK4Lut5gA/s1600/300px-William-Adolphe_Bouguereau_%25281825-1905%2529_-_Work_Interrupted_%25281891%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="510" data-original-width="300" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnWzHxinREIjusp5QLMuPf39Qqe4D3kvY8p8OLIbiOlA7qNCguRnAogNKMP5qG70JUl9vMA8mo5N1HokENYvOKVhDYOAfn029cPm5OasCFy5JLVsOoH_cBd0abavSvJsieKfXK4Lut5gA/s320/300px-William-Adolphe_Bouguereau_%25281825-1905%2529_-_Work_Interrupted_%25281891%2529.jpg" width="188" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-8981257737465696752018-05-19T00:56:00.002-07:002018-10-19T10:11:40.854-07:0019th May<br />
<br />
... Somewhere in the world, there is a wedding dress, waiting to be worn.<br />
<br />
(And I don't just mean the 'royal wedding' wedding dress. I could also mean lots of other dresses; but in particular one very nice dress which has just been made and which has just been tried on - yesterday, actually - and which in a few weeks' time will be worn, and danced in, and possibly a bit destroyed, depending on how much red wine is drunk, and spilled. Somewhere in the world there is a wedding dress, and in a few weeks' time, someone gets to wear it...)<br />
<br />
(A note on commitment: committing to a man - no problem. Committing to a DRESS, however: oh my God. There are SO MANY NICE ONES, and you are only supposed to pick the one (OK; maximum two...). How are you supposed to know which beautiful thing out of all the beautiful things you should definitely go for?...)<br />
<br />
(And then you try it on, and as beautiful as it is, toucan't help but notice that there is one hanging just off to the side, behind you, which wasn't there last year, and which looks soul-crushingly lovely, but it would probably be weird if you now said 'Ooh, can I try it on?')<br />
<br />
Committing to a PhD, when you don't really want to do your PhD, and want to play instead: annoyingly difficult.<br />
<br />
Committing to a job: awful. How are you supposed to know if you are going for the right job, as you seek that permanent position and close off the other options?...<br />
<br />
Somewhere in the world, a wedding dress waiting for the finishing touches. Somewhere else in the world (not too far from here), a job application (for a summer job this summer) waiting to be started. Deadline tomorrow.<br />
<br />
Wish me LUCK!... <br />
<br />
<br />
CN xxUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-77087512890531596392018-05-14T04:42:00.002-07:002018-05-14T04:44:41.989-07:00Creativity Again: Insights from Days Gone By<div>
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This is one of those 'When I was Young' posts...</div>
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When I was a child, I was effortlessly creative. I would come home from school, sit down, and, if I felt like it, would make things. Or I would find a time at the weekend when no one needed my presence (not dinner time, not family TV time) and I would simply sit down on the floor, pull out all the materials I needed, and get creative. I used to make whatever toys I wanted (not that I lacked toys!). If I fancied a dolls' house with Victorian dolls in it, I would MAKE IT, using a shoebox for the room, some gift wrap with a fine pattern on it as wallpaper, and the dolls would be made out of white clay, and I would paint their faces a blush pink, and hand-stitch their clothes and make their hair out of wisps of thread. If I wanted, say, an enchanted forest full of unicorns and baby centaurs and weird creatures, I would MAKE IT out of Fimo (top tip: PVC glue mixed with a bit of pale blue paint produces a really nice 'clear-water-in-a-lake' effect when it dries). I ran across some of those toys in an old box during a house move and was amazed. I showed them to my partner. We found ourselves wondering whether archaeologists have in fact been wrong about a lot of things. You know when they show you tiny clay figurines of animals or people in museums, with captions like 'Animal Figurine, BC [<i>whatever faraway date</i>]', or <i>'</i>Primitive goddess figure, BC [<i>loooong ago</i>]'? What if those weren't actually made by adults, but by children?... Has anyone considered the fact that these may just have been simple toys that enterprising kids had made, so they had something to play with?</div>
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I run across those 'Victorian' dolls recently (the 'family' is still there, including a lady in a pink dress and even a frickin' matching PARASOL that I actually MADE out of a lollipop stick and some fabric and some ribbon bits and beads) and I marvel at the determination of a young child to sit there and make these things, just because she decided that she would like them to exist and she would simply like to play with them. Mostly, I think about her unflappable concentration, and wonder how I might go back in time and bottle some of it, and transport it back again to today. I sure could use it.</div>
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I mean, at the time, I was a conscientious student with plenty of pressure to do well in school, and I had homework to do and stuff, but... whenever I decided I wanted to make stuff, I just made stuff. When I needed to write a story, I wrote it. When I was reading a good book, I stayed with that book until the end, and more often than not I found time to reread it, again and again. </div>
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Stark contrast between that and, say, my PhD days, when I used to wonder how to capture that feeling of reeeeeally just wanting to work on your PhD, and how to feel the excitement of creating something that you wanted to simply bring into existence, and how to awaken the joy of rereading something you just wrote and thinking how much you love it and how you JUST want to read it one more time before you put it away... </div>
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Today?... I just spent from about 9:12 til about 12.25 (now) procrastinating on the creative project for which I had saved this whole beautiful morning. (In my defence: this is the morning when the washing machine chose to break, mid-wash, and I obvs felt compelled to sort that out, although what I was doing putting the washing machine on in the first place, just before I was due to start my Creative Time, is beyond me.) So far, I have sorted out the washing machine mess, used that as an excuse to mop all the floors, and generally, I have been trying to get around to the creative project, with no success. Unless you count procrastination as the essential part of creativity which it would increasingly appear to be, in which case - <i>I am doing great this morning</i>. </div>
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I wonder if this is just generally the curse of being an adult - bills need paying, rooms need tidying (and no one will get around to it if not YOU), shit needs doing, grown-up jobs need finishing, and there is just generally less time to feel like your mind is empty and you can fill it with thoughts and visions of your choice. At the same time, I do seem to bring a lot of this on myself (I sit down to work, I decide I need coffee; I get up. On the way to coffee, I discover several other things to tidy or play with. I come back. I still haven't made coffee. I get out my work materials. I decide I need my glasses. On the way to get the glasses, I forget I was ever looking for them, and I find myself some other procrastinatey job to do.) (As I write this, my brain is thinking: <i>office. You need an office. You need a studio space to escape to. You cannot do creativity at home. You like your home a lot, but it is not a creative space. It is a space of housewifery and drudgery and flower arranging and endlessly putting things away, and cooking, and all the joyful and seductive but unpaid labour that the likes of Simone de Beauvoir warned you about. It actually saps your creativity and only lets you exercise it if you engage in its own forms of acceptable play. You need to take your creativity elsewhere.</i>)</div>
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Maybe that's what I need. A playroom of my very own, where I can sit on the floor, and where no grown-up things like housework can possibly be conceived of, and nothing can distract me.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-38799791149173974692018-04-30T05:12:00.002-07:002018-04-30T05:12:18.359-07:00Creativity<br />
<br />
Creativity is a scary horse. Twitter is full of those comments like 'I want nothing better than to be a [writer/ artist/ insert creative calling HERE] but I'd literally rather do ANYTHING OTHER than [sit down and write/ actually make some art/ insert any favourite creative activity HERE].'<br />
<br />
Recently, I was asked if I fancied doing a creative 'commission'. (I am a fully-fledged creative these days, with, alas, still a bit of Grotty Jobbing and some academic teaching thrown in to keep me afloat. I am also trying a new thing called 'living within my means'. It's HARD. Like, you can't just hop on the train and visit Paris whenever you feel like it.)<br />
<br />
But anyway, back to my 'commission' (which is a commission in inverted commas, because I am not actually being paid for it; I'm doing it as a favour for a friend. I'm not really supposed to be doing work for free much anymore; I'm doing this new thing where I 'value myself' much more than that. But I agreed to do it because a) I want the work to exist, and I want to be the person who created it, and b) you probably guessed it - if I don't take the job, then I'll only spend that time cleaning under the oven or staring at my phone. At least if I take the job and do the work, even for free, at the end of it there will be a CREATION).<br />
<br />
So I was offered the job about a month ago. Since then, each and every week and weekend has been filled with hope: maybe today I'll start on it. Maybe. Each and every weekend passed with the hope becoming a little bit more crushed: damn, I didn't make it this weekend. Maybe... soon?... Something else always takes precedence. It doesn't help if one of your day jobs is a teaching job. That shit ALWAYS takes more preparation than you think it will, and there's ALWAYS something more you could do to make it even better - always.<br />
<br />
So basically, I procrastinated on it for a month. I finally told myself: right, this Sunday, I am doing it. I had a ton of planning to do for Monday (which I am still catching up on now) and I had to run to town to collect a thing of mine that had been on display and hadn't sold... I pushed all those things to the second half of the day and made a serious effort to make a start on the creative project. Result:<br />
<br />
8-9 am (got up, breakfast, procrastination)<br />
9-10 am (clean sink, do washing up)<br />
10-11 (procrastination. Better put my washing on)<br />
11-12 (shit. shit. Where are materials and tools for creativity? Wander round house ineffectually, looking for materials. Put some of them in one place. Keep forgetting what am doing. Open emails with project spec in them. Stare at project spec. Google things.)<br />
12-1 (start making first draft of thing. It is shit. Make another seven shitty quick drafts. They are all shit. Panic and think, oh no, my 'gift' has deserted me. The creation has defeated me. have another go.)<br />
1-2 (realise I have to run to town and get the thing, because if I don't go today they will charge me storage. Do a bit more half-arsed creating. Creation still resolutely shit. Gather things, get dressed, run to town.)<br />
2-3 - town. (Look at all the people who do not have to create. They just consume happily. Half-compose an email in my head to explain why I won't be able to 'do the project justice', although only yesterday I told them that I've made a start and I'm on it, so it's a bit weird to say no now...)<br />
3-4 I come home at some point. Rest. Come back to the making and the creating. Inexplicably, the draft I make now is GOOD. It definitely started off shit but is now good. I make a few more drafts. They are all, as far as I can tell, acceptable. One of them I am a little bit in love with.<br />
4-5 I email the person a snapshot of my first attempts (half expecting person to say 'Yeah don't worry, we can still find someone else'.) Person comes back to me with words like 'MASTERPIECES' and 'the best I've seen' and 'love them' and 'how long do these take you to do?' (I wanna say: oh, one month procrastinating, and then just a couple of hours to get started and then a few minutes each, that's all.)<br />
5-6 I'm on a roll, so I make a few more things. (I'll get tomorrow's prep done, somehow. Sometime...)<br />
<br />
Wow. And I stare at the things I've created, really pleased, thinking: <i>wow, I must be quite good at this, actually.</i><br />
<br />
So here we have it. How to create a thing (this goes for writing a bit of your PhD, too) : procrastinate for a month, whilst thinking about thing with dread. Feel awful about procrastinating. Ignore requests for updates until the delay becomes ridiculous. Have a go. Produce rubbish thing. Have another go. Have a go again. Produce thing. Surpass own (and someone else's) expectations. Realise this was always how it was going to be. Realise that every part of this process was just right. I am doing everything just as it should be done.<br />
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I wish the process were more seamless and less procrastinatey, but there we go.<br />
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If this is creativity, then I guess I'll take it.<br />
<br />
<i>Love,</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Cn </i><br />
<br />
Xxx<br />
<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-74067644929623953672018-03-06T00:43:00.005-08:002018-03-06T00:43:55.417-08:00Cloud Nine Makes a Decision<br />
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Revolutionary idea: today* (5th March) I decided to be happy.<br />
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(Or should that be: I decided to <i>decide</i> to be happy.)<br />
<br />
(A bit like when I was 17 and I sort of decided to 'decide' that I was 'pretty'. Enough people had said this about me (like, 2 people) in situations which made me think that I could just believe that this was objectively true. I cannot describe how nice it feels when you make the decision that you are not going to be relentlessly negative about yourself and your looks anymore, and that you're just going to accept a compliment and make that compliment part of your story. But that's another story for another day.) Today's resolution: I decide that I am happy.<br />
<br />
That morning, I was mentally composing a letter to an internet agony aunt (<i>Dear so-and-so: I'm feeling low. I don't have a 'real job'. I'm nearly 35 and I don't have all the things.</i>...) - and was going over my arsenal of tricks to keep the freaking out at bay (<i>Self-help book!... Affirmations!... Turn the negative into a positive!... Flip it round!... 'I'm so stressed about not having a job = I'm so excited not to have a boring job!'... Visualise success!... </i>and so on). In the evening I went for a late swim, repeating nice things to myself in my head as I swam back and forth. I felt better. All of a sudden, the thought just popped into my head: I decide to be happy. I decide to be excited about everything.<br />
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(Day to day, I'm pretty happy. I wander around smiling to myself and find myself feeling pretty damn happy about things like a whiff of fresh air, a flower growing somewhere, a nice cup of tea. Sometimes I think about the things I'm trying to do - my 'portfolio career', as it's been described - and I get excited about the endless possibilities of everything.<br />
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Then other times (like the times when someone mentions mortgages, or when you accidentally agree to split a huge bill when you only had a starter, I feel sad and I think <i>but how, how can I be happy when there is THIS</i>...)<br />
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And then, this week, I just thought: is it like that thing where you literally DECIDE that you are happy, and it's true because you make it true?...<br />
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I'm doing a 30-day challenge, found in an old magazine, which is actually about developing business ideas and making stuff, but I might throw this one in: I decide to be happy. I am going to make a conscious effort to be happy more often - deliberately, consciously, unapologetically.<br />
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Will report back and let you know how it's going.<br />
<br />
Xx<br />
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*those words were written 'today' when 'today' was 5th March. That's now technically 'yesterday', but I decided to keep the wording, because those are nice words to have in your head. <i>Today I decide to be happy. </i><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-37004618299634330652018-03-05T13:03:00.000-08:002018-03-05T13:03:07.771-08:00Quote of the Day'...There's always more work to be done, always something unfinished. But <span style="font-size: large;">take a moment</span> every now and again to look back at <span style="font-size: large;">what you HAVE accomplished</span>. What you see might be a <span style="font-size: large;">pleasant </span>surprise.'<br />
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(Thank you unknown commenter on an internet thread!... Love you!...)<br />
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<br />
CN xx<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-41011246930065024512018-02-10T11:05:00.002-08:002018-02-10T12:48:31.946-08:00"I call it a breakdown, my therapist called it a spiritual awakening': TED Talk on ''Vulnerability'<br />
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Not much new stuff to say, except that I happened to just now find and re-watch the Brene Brown talk on 'Vulnerability' online (thank you, <a href="https://captainawkward.com/category/ted/">lovely blogger</a> who embedded the link in your blog for me to find - in your lovely blog where I have pleasurably been spending my time)<br />
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Love Brene Brown, especially when she makes her joke about the 'spiritual awakening'. Lol.<br />
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Things I took away from her talk (which I knew already, from previously visiting her talk and from the ton of self-help books I read in those dreary final months of PhD-writing just to talk myself back in from the ledge): daring to show your 'excruciating vulnerability' is good for you.<br />
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*<br />
- People who have 'a sense of worthiness, a strong sense of love and belonging' are 'people who BELIEVE they are worthy of love and belonging'<br />
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- This takes 'courage'; Brene Brown defines 'courage' as being able to 'tell the story of who you are with your whole heart; tell the story of how you are imperfect'.<br />
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- 'Let go of who you think you <b>should</b> <b>be</b> in order to be who you <b>are</b>.' (<i>In my case: 'should be' - better, more put-together, more successful, properly employed after PhD, earning better money. Instead, I 'am': precariously employed, not putting PhD to any use, earning not-so-great-money [which I immediately spend], no conventional trappings of success to speak of despite good education and every possible material advantage under the sun...</i>)<br />
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- 'Embrace vulnerability... What makes me vulnerable makes me beautiful'. (<i>does it?...</i>)<br />
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- 'Let ourselves be seen' (<i>I certainly have done, a little bit, on this blog, except that I hide from you all behind my anonymity, obviously. But I did lift a little corner of my soul on here.</i>)<br />
<br />
- And she says there are a few other things we must do if we want to be like the people in her research who turned out to have the strong sense of worthiness: and these include 'to love with our whole hearts even though there's no guarantee', 'to practice gratitude and joy', and 'to believe we are enough.'(<i>FYI I have a reminder in my phone that goes off on a certain day and tells me 'You are enough.' But that's another story</i>.)<br />
*<br />
<br />
So I'm listening to this whole talk again, and it's just as relevant as it was whenever it was that I heard it before, and I'm jotting down these snippets from it, and somewhere in my head I have had a voice that's going 'I'd like to write my blog again... really want to write blog again...' - so here you go. Today's post is old wisdom from the internet.<br />
<br />
(<i>So this is currently my story: I have a PhD. Since finishing my PhD I have not found a good job. I offer nothing, can give my partner or future children nothing, except my own sense of wonder, and fun, and kindness, and the handful of things I do well, and the joy I take in the everyday. I can cook them dinner and listen to them and I can make them laugh, and help them find their keys; that's about all. I've always thought - been convinced, even - that 'this is just temporary' and 'one day I will have a great career' and 'one day I will definitely earn a ton of money' and 'just give me a chance and I will show you that I can be the nice, compassionate, fun, loving person you know me to be AND I am also going to be very famous and earn a shit-ton of money which we will enjoy together. Any area of life in which I currently fall short WILL all get straightened out, for sure!'... What if this is all there is? What if embracing the 'that's all there is' is the only way to not hate it and not be forever dissatisfied with it?... If this is all there is, for the next <a href="https://captainawkward.com/2014/05/23/573-574-575-and-576-applying-the-sheelzebub-principle/">year, five years, ten years</a>, will you still want me and want to be with me?...</i>)<br />
<br />
I also like a TED talk by a lady called Tracy who talks about embracing who you currently are in terms of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3fIZuW9P_M">'marrying yourself'</a>. <i>For richer for poorer, for better for worse...</i><br />
<br />
Those are some of my thoughts today.<br />
<br />
Happy weekend everyone!...<br />
<br />
X<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-80792627373339211302018-01-13T07:57:00.000-08:002018-01-13T07:57:27.868-08:00Happy New Year!...<br />
<br />
Dear Readers of this blog,<br />
<br />
HAPPY NEW YEAR!...<br />
<br />
If you are finishing/ starting/ otherwise dealing with a PhD, I hope the coming year will bring more happiness, more pleasure at your own competence, and an increased sense of 'yes I can do this'.<br />
<br />
I'm now off to watch some football, and thereby continue with an otherwise lazy Saturday; but I plan to come back and show my face on this blog more often in this coming year. (Today, for one thing, I have been thinking about my 'usefulness' in the world, and this blog is one of a few places where I have felt useful. Keep those comments and questions coming!...)<br />
<br />
Here's to lots of nicely written PhDs and/ or nicely published BOOKS in 2018!...<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
<br />
Cloud NineUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-10432584786434583112017-10-06T04:21:00.003-07:002018-01-13T07:53:47.499-08:00For those of you who have just FINISHED A THESIS...<br />
<br />
.... MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS!!!..... YOU DID IT!...<br />
<br />
Here is a little blog post I wrote when I was musing on my own beautifully finished thesis, one sunny October, not so long ago.<br />
<br />
(I added that quotation at the end just now, by the way.)<br />
<br />
<a href="https://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/rereading.html">https://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/rereading.html</a><br />
<br />
XxUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-25876872956072884812017-10-06T04:10:00.001-07:002017-10-06T04:10:37.155-07:00Happiness in academia<br />
<br />
Lovely article which I read this morning:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.timeshighereducation.com/features/how-be-happy-academics-advise-what-brings-joy-work">https://www.timeshighereducation.com/features/how-be-happy-academics-advise-what-brings-joy-work</a><br />
<br />
In a nutshell:<br />
<br />
- Don't compare yourself with others; moderate your expectations; be kind to yourself, and practice self-compassion; don't be too concerned about getting that promotion, or loads of money; and meditation and 'savouring' [the moment] are very helpful.<br />
<br />
(You heard it all here first.)<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
<br />
Dr Cloud NineUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-42583542996718228362017-09-12T01:37:00.001-07:002017-09-12T01:45:21.224-07:00Raphael<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I went to an amazing art exhibition recently, on a very famous artist. (You’ve probably heard of the guy; he goes by the name of Raphael.) (Erm… I’m sorry, I’ve got no idea why I’m being all patronising all of a sudden.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If you stopped by the entrance of the exhibition, and you looked at their little timeline of important events in Raphael’s life, you would notice that Raphael’s year of birth was exactly 500 years before mine (here’s to everyone born in ’83!!!…) So I felt an instant affinity with Raphael. (He, too, would have been one of those ‘millennial’ types, like me. Or something. You know what I mean - he would have lived his life with similar milestones to mine, a turn of the century as he came of age, and so on…)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And then if you did some maths (which I did, and it always takes me a little bit of time), you worked out that… Raphael was only 37 when he died.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I am 34.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I stood there for a bit and considered this, and I thought to myself: … <i>live as though you only have three years of your life left</i>. This thought has occurred to me before, now and again: none of us know how much time we have left on this earth. I could be hit by a car tomorrow and my life as I know it could be over. I could get cancer tomorrow. Today might be the healthiest I’ll ever be. Today might be the happiest, richest, most carefree, most productive I will ever be. You just can’t know these things. So when people tape postcards to their fridge that say things like ‘Live as if this is all there is’ - this is what they mean. Live as if this is all there is. Live as if you only have three odd years left.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">(The Barbara Sher book which I have mentioned on this blog before asks you exactly this question: ‘What would you do if you had six months to live?’)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This is all a bit tricky. On the one hand, we don’t know how much time there is left and we should live each day as though this is all there is. On the other hand, I am occasionally brought up short by the panicky thought: Oh my God I don’t have a retirement plan!… Oh my God, I haven’t got a pension!… That six-months-to-live question, whenever I consider it, always brings me tremendous clarity: I always know exactly what work I would desperately want to bring into the world if I suddenly found out that I have limited time to get my best work out there. And I know that, if I needed to, I would beg, hustle, be pushy, and never hesitate to draw on every single contact and advantage I have ever gained in my miserable little life, if I ever thought that this would help me achieve my goal. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Interestingly, though, whenever i do this exercise, I always end it by thinking: but I CAN’T do that in real life, because if I did only have 6 months to live, then, d’you know what?… I wouldn’t have to worry about money. I would’t have to think about safety nets and paying bills and retirement plans and the future. I would only need to get by for six months. I could just plan to live off my savings, and sit down and do the work I want to do, and it wouldn’t matter if I got paid for it or not. It wouldn’t matter. And it does matter to me now, in real life, because I need to pay bills. And I need to think about the future. And so I find myself distracted by needing to look up occasionally, and accept paying jobs, and fill in job applications. And then I wonder why I’m not spending as much time as I should on my own important projects.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The eternal conundrum. Do I live as if this is all there is - ignore the I-don’t-have-a-pension voice, assume I might die at any moment, and just throw myself into living life in the now?… Or am I actually being very foolish if I do that, and will I look up in 20 years’ time and see all my friends comfortably moving on with their elegant lives, while I still have to scrabble round for low-paid contracts to survive?…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I don’t have an answer. And I don’t have any advice, either. (I don’t even know what is right for myself; let alone what anyone else should do…)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Anyway, I’m going to try to strike a balance. I once read an interview with an actress who was maybe in her fifties, sixties (forgive me, famous actress, for I can’t remember the exact things you said…) What I remember very clearly is that she said that she tries to live as though she were still 27. Whenever she is offered an opportunity, or a challenge, that might make her think ‘I’m too old; I can’t do that; I should have done that years ago, now it's really too late’ - she tries to respond to the invitation as though she were still 27. I love that idea. I’ve been trying to copy it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So: I’m 27 (though really sometimes I’m also 34); I might live another three years; I’m going to make that three years the nicest and the most productive ever; I’m going to live as though this is all there is.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">(But I’m also secretly hoping that, if I do that, maybe the next bit - the ‘if you build it, they will come’ bit - will fall into place too. Maybe if I just focus on doing my best work, someone will eventually pay me for it.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Woohoo!…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Love,</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">CN xx</span></div>
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<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-88769710815743534472017-09-12T00:34:00.006-07:002017-09-12T00:53:28.246-07:00Good Advice from the InternetI logged into LinkedIn this morning (an odd thing for me to do.... And, by the way, my LInkedIn page still said that I am doing a PhD. Which gives you some idea of how often I update it.)<br />
<br />
(I have been on a business course this week, and have been learning a little bit about 'marketing yourself', amongst other things; hence the sudden urge to check out LinkedIn.)<br />
<br />
Anyway, there are some clever people on there who are constantly tweeting out good business stories (so it doesn't count as procrastination, because I found it on LinkedIn. OK?....)<br />
<br />
Anyway: here is an article that caught my eye.<br />
<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>'You Need to Give Up These Toxic Habits If You Want To Be Exceptionally Successful'</b><br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://medium.com/the-mission/if-you-want-to-be-exceptionally-successful-ditch-these-toxic-habits-immediately-69764a962b24">https://medium.com/the-mission/if-you-want-to-be-exceptionally-successful-ditch-these-toxic-habits-immediately-69764a962b24</a><br />
<br />
I like it!... In a nutshell, the article says things like:<br />
<br />
- '<i>Comparison is the thief of joy</i>' (Theodore Roosevelt). Don't compare; be happy with your achievements. (I read somewhere else that you only need to be better than the person you were yesterday.)<br />
<br />
- Listen to people properly.<br />
<br />
- Stop being 'too agreeable' - say 'no' to things, to avoid overstretching yourself!...<br />
<br />
-'Give up the gossip' - don't gossip about people, because you'll lose their trust.<br />
<br />
- 'Stop aimlessly roaming the internet' (this one made me smile, because, <i>mwahaha</i>, how else would we find all these weird and wonderful articles??... But, like I said, new rule: if I got it off LinkedIn, it doesn't count as time-wasting. If you got it off my BLOG - similarly, well done, you're off the hook. But now go do some work.)<br />
<br />
- Stop procrastinating - choose a tiny bit of the task and make a start. (Regular visitors to this blog will know all about the <a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/stop-press-do-you-procrastinate-theres.html">Procrastination Bible</a> - Neil Fiore's 'The Now Habit' book.)<br />
<br />
- 'Dump the toxic waste' - if someone negative preoccupies you, don't think about him or her. Give your energy and brain space to thinking about people who make you happy instead.<br />
<br />
<br />
Love it. And now go do some work.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
<br />
CN xx<br />
<br />
ps Just for fun, I'm having a read through my blog - from the bottom up. Read <a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2012/">this</a>: it's good stuff.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-88590830715018274922017-08-17T02:21:00.000-07:002017-08-17T02:21:02.840-07:00'The PhD Commandments'<i><br /></i>
<i>(Found on an old file in my computer, written during the PhD. Unpublished, unfinished; I probably meant to go back and say many more things. I'm just going to publish it now.)</i><br />
<br />
Here are The PhD Commandments:<br />
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Thou shalt not work from home too often. If overused, home becomes lonely and depressing. Home is booby-trapped with distractions and tasks (cleaning under the oven, tidying socks) into which the hapless procrastinator runs.</div>
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Thou shalt get thyself a small portable computer (for around £200), so that thou canst work in libraries and university cafes, but without breaking thine back or wrists in carrying the thing.</div>
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Thou shalt take regular breaks from work, and reward thyself with treats.</div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Thou shalt take at least </span>one full day off a week.</div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">Thou shalt try to write thine PhD for at least 10 minutes non-stop every working day. If thou succedest, try writing for 30 minutes. If that works well, try doing </span>tomatoes. <span style="font-size: x-small;">('<a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/important-information-about-your-viva.html">the tomato approach</a>' is outlined briefly <a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/important-information-about-your-viva.html">here</a>.)</span></div>
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Thou shalt not skimp on exercise, meals and sleep.</div>
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Thou shalt not say 'I am not worthy'. [I am not clever, my PhD is rubbish.] Thou art VERY CLEVER. (<i>Thou wouldst not have gotten this far if thou did not have some pretty special gifts</i>.)</div>
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(And thou shalt get off this blog now, and go do ten minutes of work!...)</div>
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CN xx</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-56915663315018753172017-08-17T02:11:00.000-07:002017-09-12T00:46:42.924-07:00'What have I done'<br />
I had a sad thought cross my mind the other day, and it was this: <i>am I just a big waste of space?... I don't really<b> do </b>anything, I haven't really ACHIEVED anything; four years on from my PhD and still I haven't found a decent job; all I do is potter around in my Grotty Job from time to time, pursue a few creative projects half-arsedly on the side, and mostly I just sit around, have a nice time, cook and eat and spend too much money, go to gyms and exercise, scribble useless things in a notebook, and apart from that, nothing.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
This is one of those thoughts that comes to you when you are trying to work alone and are a bit panicked, and you haven't planned your time very well so the day stretches blankly ahead like an empty succession of hours to be wasted; you know you have lots to do, but you can't even remember where to start; and then the thought comes to you, masquerading as a perfectly logical truth, based on the 'facts' of that day (I'm terrible, I'm not even doing anything, I'm not doing anything good with my life).<br />
<br />
It's not true, of course. I had to think very hard about this one, but eventually I remembered that <i>I am not a waste of space</i>. I think I'm often confusing the notion of 'success' with 'financial success', which, tis true, is something I haven't yet completely achieved. But if, actually, the point of being in this world is to light up your corner of that world a little bit, and contribute something, and help a few people achieve <i>their </i>goal, then maybe I haven't done too badly.<br />
<br />
I have:<br />
<br />
- helped one or two people finish their PhD (and the proof is in their comments!... Thanks, lovely people!...)<br />
<br />
- taught many students, over my time as an 'academic', and at least one of those students reports being <a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2016/09/working-hours.html">inspired</a> by this<br />
<br />
- I have done a lot of creative projects and have amused many people with silly, pretty things... (I was trawling through my laptop the other day, searching for a specific file, and I was surprised by how many forgotten old little commissions I ran across - and actually how much effort and joy had gone into them...)<br />
<br />
- I keep forgetting this one: I have written a book!... (and I want to write another one - I have so many projects in the pipeline - but how to do them all?... How?... ... Note to self: dig out <a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/stop-press-do-you-procrastinate-theres.html">The Procrastination Bible</a>. That is ALWAYS the solution)<br />
<br />
- I have written things and published things online that people have enjoyed.<br />
<br />
- I have been nice to friends and family and cooked them food and tried to give them love and kindness (I've probably failed quite a lot at this last bit, I know, but I do try)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
... Quote of the day:<br />
<br />
"<span style="color: #292f34; font-family: "verdana" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: 600;"><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/2xc947/text_soon_i_will_be_gone_forever_but_thats_okay/">Let your life be shaped by decisions you made, not by the ones you didn’t</a>.</span>"<br />
<br />
<br />
(Maybe I haven't really made too many 'bad' decisions; none that I wouldn't own to, and none that I wouldn't 'stand by'. It's not too bad, this life of mine. It's what I created; it's genuinely and honestly mine. Maybe people will say nice things about me at my funeral.)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #fff9ee; color: #222222; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif; font-size: 15px;"><i>Contact me on</i> </span><u style="color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px;"><i>hatemyphd 'at' yahoo.com</i></u>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-64405303332069383812017-06-18T03:39:00.002-07:002018-05-14T04:43:06.515-07:00'Know Thyself'<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 22px; line-height: normal;">
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Can I just say: I’m loving the Myers Briggs personality test indicator thingy. A friend wrote something on Facebook about wanting to know her friends’ personality types, and as a result I spent a happy couple of hours revisiting mine. It says some nice things. </div>
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If you haven’t already had a go at it, and you are struggling with your PhD right now: have a go at it, do it. Set aside a chunk of time when you’d only be procrastinating all day anyway. Spend some time mulling over your responses; get them right. Prepare to be amazed. (As you will know from <a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/lastminutecom.html">the very end of a previous post</a>, I thought mine was kind of revealing.)</div>
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I did the Myers Briggs test back in about 2010-2011, when I was hopelessly drowning in PhD, and was signing up to all the ‘Motivation’, ‘Time Management’, ‘Planning’, ’How to do your PhD’ type courses at my Graduate School, hoping to infer something from them that would magically help me transform myself from the chaotic mess I was into the kind of person who… could finish off a PhD easily and quickly, and with pleasure. (It didn’t quite work out like that.) A Guru in one of these seminars suggested, amongst other things, that we all take the Myers Briggs personality test. He said that to understand your personality type can help you figure out why you work the way you do. I remember that I did the test on a sunny Saturday; one day when I was procrastinating over something else, and just having a nice day doing nothing, I finally sat down to do it. (It wasn’t around the time of the seminar; it just sort of organically felt like the right thing, many months later.)</div>
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I remember that I spend lots of time thinking about my responses, asking myself ‘Is that really what I would do?…’ - and giving carefully-considered, well-thought-through answers. Maybe because of this, my test result came back particularly revealing. It proclaimed, loudly and clearly, lots of things which I had for a long time kind of known about myself, but never articulated. Most surprisingly, it labelled as ‘strengths’ several qualities which I had long thought of as ‘bad things’, ‘rubbish thing’, their opposites being labelled in my head as ‘that thing I’m no good at’, or ‘that thing you’re supposed to do and I’m not doing, and I don’t even know why’. To see your inherent ‘weirdness’ written out on the page, but in complimentary language and packaged as a human ‘strength’, gives you a different narrative to begin to tell yourself. (It took me a long time to get used to that narrative and let it actually inhabit me; for a long time after taking the test, and after finishing my PhD, I would still look at those qualities and think ‘Yeah, but that’s no good. That doesn’t help you find a job. That doesn’t help you get on in the world. That’s all very nice, but…’)</div>
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<i>Knowing your personality type can help you figure out why you work the way you do - and help you become aware of your strengths</i>, the Guru said. </div>
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Post-PhD, I spent a long time applying for jobs with titles like ‘Office Co-ordinator’ and not being quite sure how to answer that question in interviews when they ask you ‘Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?’ (‘<i>I see myself as an Office Co-ordinator but with more responsibility and skills</i>…?’ - is not really true). It took me a really long time (until about this year, I dare say, if not actually this WEEK) to realise that I don’t need to be a square peg trying desperately to fit into a round hole. I don’t need to write another job application on which I proclaim career goals and desires which are only loosely mine, things I ‘can happily do’ rather than ‘really really would like to achieve’. That whole plan, suggested by a careers coach back when I had just finished a PhD, of finding a ‘back-up job’ and going down to four days a week and then eventually having a go at your dream - I don’t need to do that. I have the grotty job which I do for a couple of days a week and which brings me a tiny income that is just fine. I don’t need any more than that. I don’t need anything. Just get on with it, I’m telling myself.</div>
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I read something the other week (in the readers’ comments under an online article) that ‘a weakness is just an overdone strength’. I’m not going to dwell too much on what this might mean for me. I’m not even sure I’ve thought really carefully about how this might apply. But I’m feeling a bit more ready to embrace the things that make me ‘me’, and go out and do them. Out loud, and unapologetically.</div>
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I have an overwhelming urge to tell the truth sometimes. </div>
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Love,</div>
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CN xx </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-84628028668481221552017-03-14T08:02:00.000-07:002017-03-14T08:02:19.412-07:00How to be Good at Interviews<br />
<br />
I really, really suck at interviews. Why is this?... I know why: it's because I don't prepare for them properly. Ever. I just don't want to.<br />
<br />
(I also know why because I just googled '<a href="http://www.skorks.com/2010/12/here-is-the-main-reason-why-you-suck-at-interviews/">why am I bad at job interviews</a>'.)<br />
<br />
So I'm sitting here today, depressed (interview tomorrow), feeling stressed, thinking about how I really need to finish preparing my presentation for that job interview and how I reeeeeally don't want to, and the more time passes, the worse I feel ('Now there's hardly any time to......' 'Aaaaggggh'). And I'm Googling stupid things like 'why am I bad at interviews'. And I'm writing little motivational notes to myself, which i am leaving all over the place. And I'm making myself tea. And doing laundry. And... And... And...<br />
<br />
The universe is an interesting thing sometimes. An email just arrived in my inbox with the title '<i>Some interview questions</i>'. I did a double take. It is actually from my book editor, who would like to write a fun little blurb about me on the publisher's website, and to that end has sent me a few questions to answer. Can I just say: TOTALLY UP MY STREET. I perked up immediately; I feel like a celebrity already. I started drafting lovely thoughtful answers before I could stop myself: <i>come on, bitch, you've GOT an interview to prepare already</i>.<br />
<br />
And then it struck me: why must I hate the <i>job</i> interview prep, when really it is kind of the same as the fun 'interview questions' - think about my life, think about what people want to hear, tell them a nice story?... Why can't I see it a bit more as an exercise in something like 'Hey, I'm amazing - of course you can interview me about all the amazing things I've done!... I can't wait to tell you everything I know...'<br />
<br />
(Disclaimer: bit delusional, yes, I know. But I'm running out of time and I'll take ANY positive thought that comes my way. Anything. Really, anything.)<br />
<br />
So now let's go ace that interview prep....<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
<br />
CN xxUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-50130412470368173982017-03-11T09:06:00.003-08:002017-03-11T09:06:56.936-08:00Statistical Analysis: How I spent my Saturday<br />
<br />
Hello,<br />
<br />
<br />
So this is how my day is going so far...<br />
<br />
<br />
- Number of job interviews looming: 1<br />
<br />
- Number of presentations to prepare for job interview: 1<br />
<br />
- Number of hours I planned to spend on job interview prep today: (like, 8 or so?... Obviously, these were going to be interspersed with productive little ten-minute breaks, during which I do a little catching up on commissions/ do laundry)<br />
<br />
- Number of hours of interview prep which have so far happened: 0 (although do 5 minutes scribbling count?...)<br />
<br />
- Number of hours spent having a lie-in this morning (and afternoon) : (... if you count from the moment I was awake, then I think about... 7)<br />
<br />
- Number of loads of laundry that have made it into the machine today: 1 (yay!...)<br />
<br />
- (<i>number of loads that have made it out again: 0</i>)<br />
<br />
- Number of self-help books perused so far, when I should be working: 1 (<i>Stop Being Nice, Start Being Real</i>, by Thomas d'Ansembourg)<br />
<br />
- Number of chats over the phone with best friend: 1<br />
<br />
- Number of actual things achieved by 5 pm: 7 (had shower, brushed hair, ate breakfast, ate lunch, put laundry on, made tea, put computer on, started writing blog post :) )<br />
<br />
- Things still left to do today: 1 (prepare for that bloody interview....)<br />
<br />
- Number of hours still left available to me: (oh, I don't know... two? Because I have a friend who offered to look at my interview presentation and she has time TONIGHT. And also, I want to go on a date.)<br />
<br />
- Number of small steps I intend to take: 2 (1 - write some notes on what friend said; 2 - plan very simple 10-slide presentation).<br />
<br />
- Number of biscuits I intend to eat when this is over: fuckloads.<br />
<br />
<br />
I am now going to spend one hour (that's right, just ONE, out of my entire day) preparing for this job interview.<br />
<br />
And then I'm getting out of here.<br />
<br />
(It's all about the small steps.)<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
<br />
Cloud Nine xx<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-89038894516099587772017-03-07T11:58:00.000-08:002017-03-07T12:07:36.003-08:00Procrastination: Why we do it,* when we do it** - and what can we do about it***<br />
<br />
[* like, just <i>because</i>; ** <i>ALL THE TIME</i>. *** Read on...]<br />
<br />
<br />
Ho hum. You know how I used to say, <i><a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/stop-press-do-you-procrastinate-theres.html">The Procrastination Bible</a> is for life, not just for Christmas?</i>... Turns out it's true. Know how I used to think I was procrastinating on my PhD <i>because</i> of my PhD, because I thought it was a rubbish thing to do?... We-ell.....<br />
<br />
I think I might owe my PhD a small apology.<br />
<br />
Being a PhD survivor, a recent therapy convert, and of course, as you know, the happy owner of a Kindle-full of self-help books, I have finally done that thing where you have an epiphany about your life and you make a plan to do something cool with it. That's right. Alongside that 'grotty' job that I still do (which is actually a lovely job, and I've been making my peace with it, because after all it feeds me and pays the bills), and that University teaching gig, which I do for fun, I have also began working on - drum roll - my own creative little business. (You might remember from a <a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/i-have-dream.html">very old blog post</a> that I'm kind of into that...)<br />
<br />
It's not yet making enough money to live on, and it's not yet well-known or big or award-winning, but it's there, it exists, you know?.... And I've never actually felt more alive, more excited, than I have been feeling for this past year, now that I have taken charge of an area of my life that previously I didn't know what to do with, and now that I have projects of my own that I care about, and that I would do in my spare time anyway - projects which are now miraculously becoming real.<br />
<br />
So then, I ask you, why the hell am I procrastinating for most of today on some fairly simple and rewarding and creative tasks?.... Why?...<br />
<br />
I have been asked by some nice people to do a couple of commissions. And I've had these sitting on my 'desk' now for.... what feels like weeks. And I haven't done them. One of them, half-started today, is in front of me. The others are still haunting my poor brain. I want to do them, and I want to get them out of the way, and I want to present them to the happy people and have done with it, and yet I just.... don't want to.<br />
<br />
<i>How very interesting</i>. Why?... I think I know why. That moment when you sit down at a blank page, which you are miraculously supposed to bring to life with your ideas: that moment. I'm terrified of that moment. Even though I know full well that I have all the skills and capacities to sit down at that page and bring the project to its logical conclusion with all kinds of success. Even though I know very well that if I don't, all that will happen is - I will get to start again. Really, this is the most low-risk enterprise I have ever been involved in. And yet here I am, and I don't want to do it. (it's also that thing where life intrudes, some deadlines overwhelm you, job gets a little bit busy, and all of a sudden you don't feel like doing the creative project quite as much as you might have done; every time you sit down to it, you think <i>aaaagh, that meeting at work that I forgot to email people about</i>...)<br />
<br />
So to all those amongst you who hate your PhD, and procrastinate on it whilst imagining the array of better, shinier things that await you on the other side of it: the Procrastination Bible is for life. Turns out we might still need it post-PhD. Turns out it's not the PhD. It's something bigger than that. Do you hate yourself sometimes because you procrastinate?... <i>Don't hate yourself. Don't worry. Everyone does it, it turns out. Even the people with the 'cool' jobs, those ones doing their own thing, and 'living the dream'. Would you believe it - they all still can't do it either.</i><br />
<br />
I don't know about you, but I think I need another one of those cut-out-and-keep lists to stick on my fridge...<br />
<br />
Notes to Self: What to do about Procrastination<br />
<br />
1) Rule no. 1: <i>if you ever get commissioned to do something, make a start on that thing as soon as you get it.</i> Literally, do it that same evening; cancel whatever else you had planned. Don't let it sit on your desk or in your files gathering dust for days while you 'think about it'. That is the worst thing you can do, because this is when procrastination creeps in. Think to yourself, 'When is literally the earliest moment that I can start working on this?'...<br />
<br />
2) <i>Procrastinate sensibly</i>. Have several little projects on the go. If you find yourself procrastinating on the commission, you can get excited about updating your website or writing a blog post (woohoo!). It's still work avoidance, but at least you're working on something else... (I've been doing that today, actually. Desperate to avoid the creative jobby that's been making me uncomfortable, I've found myself spending a little bit of time on some of the other tasks which I've not managed to do earlier, and which now seem curiously appealing.<br />
<br />
And 3), Note to self: <i>identify which tasks you procrastinate on</i>. (for me: those ones where I need to be creative and work to a brief, so I can't just produce any old thing and go <i>ta-daaaah</i>, but where I am also left to my own devices, with no immediate need for action, no face-to-face interactions to get things moving, and just an open space in time for me to fret in. I have no trouble, say, selling already existing products, or doing something which involves a direct interaction with a client; but leave me on my own with flexible time frames and a 'what-if-they-don't-like-it' kind of project, and I'll procrastinate my life away.) Solution: in the future, either say NO to such projects altogether, OR ramp up your fees for those kinds of tasks, so that they'll only come along infrequently, and so that I'll also be motivated by the financial rewards (yay!).<br />
<br />
There. That's my little conversation with myself. Thank you, everyone, for letting me share.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
<br />
CN Xxx<br />
<br />
[<i>Business woman/ Artiste Extraordinaire</i>]<br />
[<i>New! From Cloud Nine. Now with exciting life goals!</i>]<br />
[<i>Emotional inadequacies sold separately.</i>]Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-86404080867988563302017-02-13T04:38:00.004-08:002017-06-18T04:42:51.481-07:00A memory<br />
<br />
I have a memory from last summer which has recently been coming back to me:<br />
<br />
I am sitting in a taxi. I'd just spent the day running errands which were to do with my own little creative business project (so I was excited, had had a fun day, felt like I was going somewhere with everything I was doing). I'd made a start on a lasagne, and then I had to get changed, grab the gift I'd bought for my friend, and run out of the house and hurry to my friend's party. (I had hoped to stay at home for an extra hour, cooking and dithering in a lovely way, savouring some alone-time, when she texted me and made it clear that she wanted me at the party NOW. I allowed myself the unusual luxury of calling a taxi - I don't normally do this - and there it was, arriving to pick me up, and there I was, nice dress and the comfy/pretty shoes and gift in a bag, and we were off.)<br />
<br />
I remember that I was wearing my favourite dark green dress and a slick of fuchsia lipstick. It was summer, a sunny early evening, and I had a light trench coat thrown over my outfit, and I was in a taxi. Little things, but luxuries to me, and I felt like a million dollars.<br />
<br />
The taxi driver and I got chatting - wish I could remember how it started, and exactly what was said - and somehow, we got talking about 'success'. And I mentioned to him - you know, I sometimes don't feel successful. I don't have the traditional, normal 'things' that define 'success'. And yet if someone were to look at me, it's not like they'd think that about me. I look like the very image of success.<br />
<br />
The taxi driver looked at me in the rear-view mirror - a young woman, healthy, dress, lipstick, all bright colours and youth and shiny hair - and he said something like, really, just look at you - you've got everything you could possibly want - you are rich (he didn't exactly say the following words, but the conversation was along the lines of: you are rich in terms of health, you are rich in terms of youth, you have absolutely every thing you might need; you have absolutely won the lottery of all things to do with luck. I remember that thing I read in various 'self-help' books: you are enough. You are perfectly fine just as you are. You have everything you need.)<br />
<br />
I remember that gorgeous summer's evening, being chauffered from one nice part of my Saturday to the next, green dress and lipstick, friends waiting for me, and a conversation with this driver, and everything being OK in the here and now. It keeps coming back to me, this memory. (I'm not sure if it's happy or sad. I think it's happy.) I must not let it go.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-23300036395145997002017-02-13T04:17:00.003-08:002017-02-13T04:24:52.670-08:00Mornings - continuedThis morning I woke up at 6:35.<br />
<br />
And then I got up. And I turned off my alarm. And then I went in the other room (and not back to the warm, warm bed). And then I did the thing I wanted to carve out the extra little bit of time to be able to do.<br />
<br />
(You see, recently I've been living the sort of life that a 'normal person' might lead: getting up in the morning, EARLY, and trying to piece myself together and heading out to work. I've been missing out on my beloved morning ritual of 'morning pages' (cf. <a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2016/03/unblocking-creative-artist.html">The Artist's Way</a>), and I've been feeling quite sad about it. But the thought of getting up EVEN EARLIER than EARLY was just ridiculous.<br />
<br />
Then last night I was looking at this podcast (I say 'looking at', because I couldn't be bothered to listen to the podcast, but I just scrolled down and was lazy and skim-read the transcript instead) and what caught my eye is that this writer, who was being interviewed, talked about how he managed to train himself to get up at 5 every morning, precisely to try some of those life-enhancing type practices that I've been going on about in <a href="http://hatemyphd.blogspot.co.uk/2017/01/mornings.html">one of my previous posts</a>.<br />
<br />
So he tells you how he managed to make himself get up, and get out of bed, early. And I loved this thing he said:<br />
<br />
'<span style="font-family: freight-text-pro; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29px;">That was the morning my entire life changed, and this is kind of where I’ll wrap up the story, is I woke up the next morning at 5:00 AM, which if you ask anyone that knew me back then, I wouldn’t be caught dead waking up at five unless I had to catch an early flight, right? Never. I only woke up when I had to wake up, which is what most of us do, right?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: freight-text-pro; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29px;">Look at your schedule. You’ll go, “When’s the last possible minute that I could wake up and not get fired, divorced, have my children taken away from me?” Right? [...].</span>'<br />
<br />
And I love that because that resonates. No one has ever put it quite like that before. The reason we fail to get up 'earlier than early' in the mornings, when already life demands a pretty 'early' start from us, is because it's normal to want to get as much sleep as possible, to stay in the warm bed (instead of exchanging it for the arctic circles of the waking world) and to want to put off getting up until you absolutely HAVE to.<br />
<br />
But this guy managed to motivate himself to get up. He offers two tips: one of them I've already tried doing, the other is amazing and it helped me make the first one work.<br />
<br />
His tips for getting up at 5 are:<br />
<br />
- set an alarm and move your alarm clock to the other side of the room, so that you physically have to get out of bed and walk over to turn it off.<br />
<br />
(I already sometimes do this. The trouble is how to have the courage to NOT go straight back to bed afterwards. To the warm bed, with the pillows and duvet, and sleeping lover, and all the wonderful things...)<br />
<br />
And his other tip, which I think is the best tip, is,<br />
<br />
- create a visualization, before you fall asleep, of how this getting-out-of-bed thing will actually work; say to yourself 'Tomorrow morning I will wake up refreshed and full of energy, and I will go and [do the things I want to do]'.<br />
<br />
So I tried it. I set my alarm for earlier than I'd like to (absolute latest time to get up - 7:30; a good 'early' time to get up - 7; my 'earlier than early' goal for today - 6:35). And I said to myself in my head: 'Tomorrow I am going to wake up refreshed and full of energy; I am going to... turn off the alarm clock, put on my slippers, go to the room next door where it's warm; make myself a glass of hot water with lemon; and I'm going to write my morning pages.'<br />
<br />
It took me forever to drop off to sleep (this due to a bad night's sleep the previous night) but I just kept thinking - I'm going to wake up refreshed and full of energy.<br />
<br />
I woke up when the alarm went off; fuzzy, groggy, sleepy, not quite right after a not-quite-finished sleep. But, would you believe it, I turned off that damn alarm clock, and I put on those slippers, and I went into the next room.<br />
<br />
And I did my lovely morning writing, and I felt powerful and energized (even if I did feel quite dopey, and did wonder how I was going to get through my day, and did spend my walk to work planning multiple possible naps in various nooks and crannies of the building).<br />
<br />
And the guy says,<br />
<br />
'<span style="font-family: freight-text-pro; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29px;">Number two is, you got to set your intentions before you fall asleep about what the morning is going to be like. Specifically, those first few moments. Before I go to bed, I tell myself, no matter how many hours of sleep I get, I’m going to wake up feeling rested, energized, rejuvenated, and I’m going to jump out of bed, and I’m going to keep moving forward, right?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: freight-text-pro; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29px;">Whether you visualize that, or I have a bed time affirmation that you can — that’s available online if you Google “miracle morning bedtime affirmation,” I’m sure you can find it. Bedtime affirmation that I read it before bed, and it’s essentially programming my subconscious mind for how to respond when the alarm clock goes off. I’m not deciding in the moment, that moment of waking up, and not in my REM, or in the middle of my REM cycle or whatever. I’m not deciding in the moment in the morning. I decided the night before I went to bed, I had my intentions, rock solid commitment was made before I opened my eyes in the morning, and then when I open my eyes, I just live out what I visualized or affirmed before I went to bed.</span>'<br />
<br />
And also (when asked if he wakes up 'refreshed' no matter how much sleep he had - does he wake up as productive when he's slept for three hours as when he's slept for eight hours, or whatever) :<br />
<br />
'[...] <span style="font-family: freight-text-pro; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29px;">there’s a lot of great books on sleep. But there’s also a lot of differing opinions. So I tell people look, here’s what I experimented with. I tried getting eight hours, or seven hours, six hours, five hours, four hours, and here was the difference.</span><br />
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; font-family: freight-text-pro; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29px; margin-bottom: 25px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
This goes back to one of the tips I gave earlier about setting your intentions before bed. I tried all of those durations, but I tried all of them, each one. I literally did multiple nights at eight hours, telling myself I was going to be exhausted in the morning, and every time, if I set those intentions of being exhausted in the morning, that’s how I felt. I also felt exhausted if I got six, five, or four hours if I told myself I’d feel exhausted. I flipped it over and I went, I’m going to try eight hours, seven hours, six, five, and four, telling myself I’m going to wake up, and it’s a very intentional affirmation that I just have.</div>
<span style="font-family: freight-text-pro; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29px;">It really comes on the belief of the mind/body connection, you know?</span>'<br />
<br />
The guy got my attention.<br />
<br />
So here I am. I got up at 6:35. (I just had a little nap in the armchair just over there in the corner.) I did that thing that I'm never, ever able to do if I have to be at work first thing in the morning, that thing I love to do for myself, and which really helps me. And I feel like I've reaffirmed my commitment to all the things I've learnt from The Procrastination Bible, and all the other motivational bibles which have got me through my PhD: the power of positive thinking, of affirmations, of visualizing success - they all matter... (I've been letting them slide in the last few days, feeling a bit blue, grappling with unwelcome life changes and circumstances, feeling helpless and powerless and 'not good enough'. Feeling like crying a little bit every day, asking myself 'what the hell am I doing with my life', 'how can I do all the positive thinking when the reality is THIS'. And now I'm seeing that you have to do those things no matter what, and stick with them, and imagine the bestest possible outcomes, and decide what you are committed to doing, and do it; and create positive expectations for what you would like to happen, and hold on to them.<br />
<br />
'<span style="font-family: freight-text-pro; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29px;">I heard [...] a quote that I’ll share right now, because this quote literally was the catalyst for turning my life around faster than I ever thought possible. It really was what gave birth to the concept that is now The Miracle Morning.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: freight-text-pro; font-size: 19px; line-height: 29px;">The quote is from Jim Rohn [...]. He said, “Your level of success will seldom exceed your level of personal development,” and he went on to say, “because success is something you attract by the person you become.” In that moment, I stopped running, and I replayed it, and I thought, “I’m not dedicating time every day to my personal development. Therefore, I am not becoming the person that I need to be to create the success I want in my life and sustain that success.”</span>'<br />
<br />
You can view the transcript, or listen to that podcast, here:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://goinswriter.com/hal-elrod?inf_contact_key=419b78cca7ca7801da13236f9d9fa7328291b9151a46692c197e8294be92f0fa">https://goinswriter.com/hal-elrod?inf_contact_key=419b78cca7ca7801da13236f9d9fa7328291b9151a46692c197e8294be92f0fa</a><br />
<br />
(I listened to it properly on my walk to work this morning.)<br />
<br />
Have a great day, everybody!...<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-35064985436541624602017-02-04T03:52:00.002-08:002017-02-04T03:53:18.380-08:00Contact MeDear Readers of this blog,<br />
<br />
For some time now I have been wondering what to do when people ask me for details of my other blogs, and other projects, and I have also been wondering what to do when there is someone on THIS blog that I'd like to contact, and perhaps thank him or her - thank for visiting, or for encouraging me in a particular way, or for otherwise showing their support.<br />
<br />
The weird thing is that I want to be friends with ALL OF YOU, and I want to tell you ALL about all the cool things I'm planning to do with my life, my extensive knowledge of self-help books, and my general itch to do creative and silly things. On the other hand, I don't really want to give up this privileged position of anonymity. Not just yet.<br />
<br />
Writing this blog anonymously has allowed for two things in particular to happen: 1) for me to be able to come here, especially in the early days, and VENT, totally honestly, about the things that I felt were wrong in my life (mostly PhDs, obvs). I'm not sure the venting would have been quite so honest, nor so heartfelt, if I had been writing as 'me'. Also, no-one wants to risk being 'found' by colleagues and professional contacts, to be known as that academic who really, really hated her PhD.<br />
<br />
And so the other thing that this anonymity enabled was, of course, a genuine connection with people sharing the same experience. If I hadn't written anonymously, I'm not sure my posts would have been as relatable as they were to some people who read them. They would have been sugar-coated with a veneer of professional 'readability': [<i>yes, but what if someone SERIOUS stops by?... I'd better temper my outburst about missed deadlines, and instead cite something appropriate for grown-ups. I wonder if there's anything suitable in Plato.</i>]<br />
<br />
But at the same time, I would love to be able to share with some of you some of my upcoming thoughts, and dreams, and projects - and I would also love to have a place where people can write to me and say things, and ask questions, which maybe they don't want to say publicly here.<br />
<br />
So <b>I've created an email address </b>- <i>NEW! From Cloud Nine!</i> - and if you are a regular reader of the blog, or if you are a fan, or if you have advice or feedback to give (or even you have already given it and I've already thanked you), or if you'd like to be on a special mailing list which will receive details of my next creative venture - or any, or all of the above -<b> I want to hear from you</b>, and you can write to me at <i>hatemyphd 'at' yahoo.com</i> (the unorthodox 'at' is to stop spam bots crawling all over my site).<br />
<br />
<br />
So now there are some ways you can write to me:<br />
<br />
Email <u><i>hatemyphd 'at' yahoo.com</i></u><br />
<br />
OR post your own email address in the comments below, and I'll note it down and delete the comment.<br />
<br />
<br />
Lots of love,<br />
<br />
Cloud Nine xxUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-766590194563153974.post-87177206821208463842017-01-17T00:48:00.004-08:002017-08-17T02:21:32.037-07:00Mornings<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I keep meaning to write something on this
blog. Every time September-October comes round (aka ‘deadline time’, I want to
write a cheery post: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">go on! You’re nearly
there! You can do it!... </i>I want to write something every time crazy
political events happen, and the world feels like it’s been knocked out of
kilter. I want to write something every time … well, just every time I think of
this blog, and remember all the nice comments from all the nice people on here,
which helped me so much. In a corner of the library, somewhere, a bound copy of
my PhD slumbers on a shelf, and in it, in the Acknowledgments section, if you
ever find your way to it, there is a brief dedication to all of you…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Now and again, the idea for a coherent post
comes to me. If I don’t seize hold of it, and write it down, it floats away.
Here are some incoherent bits of such posts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The list of things I am supposed to be
doing every day keeps growing longer by the minute. Sometime last year, a kind
friend emailed me a nice article: a list of things we should all be doing
before 8 a.m., to help us have a great start to the day and be more effective
in our everyday lives. It’s meant to help us all be better people.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It included things like:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">have a cold shower<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">eat some protein (an egg is
best, apparently. YUM. I’m into that)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">meditate (I have the Headspace
app on my phone, with ten free meditations, which you can just listen to as
much as you like. It’s supposed to help you carry that calm, meditate-y feeling
around with you for the rest of the day)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">(and other things, which I’ve
obviously not been doing, and which I’ve forgotten)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My own personal morning to-do list, refined
over the years through self-help-book reading, and which is meant to help me
become more effective in my everyday life, goes something like this:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">Every morning, first thing,
write. (This is called ‘morning pages’. You do a sort of brain dump, writing
freely for three pages or so, to offload your inhibitions and negative thoughts
and stuff, to free you up to be unashamedly creative. Source: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Becoming an Artist</i>. Good for: writers,
arty types, PhDs…) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<span lang="EN-US">(This is also good for
when you need to write something extra one day, like an article, and you don’t
have time for it; you’ve created a practice of getting up and writing every
day, and so you can just naturally slip it into that time…)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">Every day, do some wrist
exercises, or wrist yoga, to look after wrist. (Note to self: must see
chiropractor. I keep putting this off, because to see the chiropractor costs
forty pounds.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">Every day, do some singing
exercises. (These are special singing exercises, for, erm, snorers.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">Every day, play a bit of guitar
or piano?... (My self-professed raison d’être since I was a kid, music is
getting lost by the wayside somehow. I never make time for it anymore.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">Every day, do something for my
business. (I am a businesswoman. I’ve started a business. Most of the time I
forget I’m actually doing this, and instead get tangled in a mire of looking at
job adverts and wondering ‘shouldn’t I get a steady job with a pension’.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">Every day, go swimming or do
some yoga, because it makes me feel better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">Every week (so, on some days),
do some exercises from the current self-help book of choice (because you’re
actually meant to do them, not just read them, nod sagely, and think how useful
they would be.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">(And then there’s the stuff from the Money
self-help book, which I should be doing every day, because it is important: )<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">Every day, read something about
money (note to self: must get better at understanding my finances, doing things
like filling in claims forms immediately, and generally valuing myself more)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">Every day, do some
affirmations. (Affirmations, as in positive statements that you’re using to try
and re-wire your brain. So you’re trying to go from thinking thoughts like ‘I
am useless with money’ to ‘I like money and I appreciate what it does for me’.
‘I am very optimistic about my financial future.’)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Garamond; mso-fareast-font-family: Garamond;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span lang="EN-US">Every day, I’m meant to be
writing down what I spend. (I forget to do this, obviously.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Thing is, if you’ve read more than, like,
one self-help book, the lists of things ‘to do every day’ just gets a bit
insane. I have this vision of myself spending all morning meditating and
writing, exercising and affirming, having cold showers and cooking lovely eggs
for breakfast, and of course this is all great, though it assumes you don’t
actually need to be anywhere before, like, 11 a.m.). Not to mention that the
whole system falls apart on any day when your job requires you to be up at
daybreak to travel somewhere (I am doing the Grotty Job again, by the way), or
on days when you have a job interview the next day and you’re sitting around in
your pyjamas trying to prepare for it (like today).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Well. Today, at least, I am reasonably
successful. I am up and about, have cancelled all Grotty Jobs and University-related
activities, and I’m sitting here, porridge heating gently in the kitchen, and
I’ve written this. Let this blog be today’s ‘morning pages.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Have a good day, everybody!.....<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">*<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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